the boy is not sweet anymore!

i've been bullied! by the boy! not sweet! not sweet at all! in fact, more bitter then any chinese medicine there is! hrmph!

i was supposed to attend a course at ayer rajah camp today, coincidently the boy is attending a meeting nearby, so we decided tat i could send him there and i'll go for my course. was happy coz its been long since we last went to work 2gether, and i could spend more time with him on the way there.. quite far mah.

the thing is... i'm not very familiar with the route, and the morning traffic is quite heavy at tat area... and i get panicky and irritated when roads get congested. so, when we were leaving the house, i asked, "can u drive? i dun really know the roads"....... den he snapped at me, "NO, u drive, u need to learn". i was quite shocked at his response so early in the morning... and sad... so, i kept quiet. but millions of tots ran thru my mind.... recently, the boy has been so busy at work, and he is also getting more short-tempered. its been long since we last really chat.... been long since we had a real meal... coz his mind will be far away and his phone keeps ringing... and he'll be screaming at whoever it is(which affects his mood, which in turn affects mine)... been long since we fell asleep 2gether... coz most of the time, the last thing i hear before falling asleep is him typing furiously at his laptop for his reports... been long since i last woke up beside him... coz usually when i wake up... he has gone for work or he's at his laptop already... (i hope his company can wake up and think of employee's welfare...)

haiz....

so.... when i reached my course venue, there was no one tat i knew, i was also unfamiliar with the place, so i sat at one corner alone, coz the other PCs near me were not working, grateful for tat, so i need not entertain ppl i dunno.

damn hungry in the morning, didnt have time to grab breakfast, and i didnt know where was the canteen, so for the morning break, i stayed in the class. but my tummy was starting to growl. den came lunchtime, the trainer said lunch would not be provided(the last time they provided lunch! puiii) and we had to find our own food. damn... where am i supposed to go? the camp is deserted... and i got noone with me, and i dunno the way!! was feeling scared and hungry.

den i remembered, the boy was nearby! i quickly called him, he said his meeting just ended and about to leave.. great! was happy to hear tat... den i asked if he had lunch... he said no... and while i was waiting for him to ask if i had lunch... he said he was busy and had to rush back to office... and hung up.... again.. i was sad.... just 5 hours apart... he disappoint me twice.

had no choice... i walked out the classroom hoping to find road signs... nope... so i walked slowly around... like a detective... i tried following ppl... and when they stopped, i pretend to look elsewhere.... hahaha.... i must have looked silly... den i realized... oh no, theres no one in front of me already... die... i'm stranded.... den i stood in the middle of nowhere... and called my mum.... to chat.... hahaha.... aiya, pretend busy mah... keke... until a group of ppl appeared... i followed them.... yay!!! saw the canteen!!! bought a bowl of noodles and gobbled it down.

sound so kelian rite? i also tot tis way... was pitying myself and wallowing in my own sad world... until my mum told me even sadder news... my sis-in-law..... lost her baby............. i was so sad... so very sad... i was looking forward to the baby.... another baby tat is gonna be as cute as didi and jiejie... she and my bro must be very upset now. my mum also sounded very disappointed.... its a small life, innocent and pure. now gone.... sweet baby, my niece/nephew(can i call u baby E? coz ur gor gor and jie jie all have names tat start with Es), hope u get a better life soon. hope it wasnt too painful tis 2 months. i know u did put up a strong fight... coz the doc said it was an unstable pregnancy, and told us to be prepared, the doc said u have stopped growing, but ur heart continued to beat, u continued to live.. u struggled till yesterday... u must have wanted to see tis world so much.... tis world might even be more painful den wat u went thru. i pray tat u get an easy life the next time.

i dreamt of my ah mah last nite, dun remember wat, just remember seeing her, and hearing her talk. could be becoz i was thinking of her before i fell asleep. when i told the boy tat i suddenly tot of her, tis stupid heartless boy, told me to get 4d number from her if she appeared in my dreams. idiot.

oh my oh my!!!! maybe my ah mah really did come back yesterday??!!!! to fetch Baby E! did she know? if its really tis way.... it would be so awesome... i feel so much better with tis tot...... Baby E, even thou we havent seen u.... all of us loved u already..